Weatherford's  Sinkhole  Bonanza

Weatherford Daily News Editorial May 20, 2013

The last few weeks we've had much excitement here in Weatherford regarding our Sinkhole.   But I think maybe we're looking at it the wrong way;   you might say, we're selling it short of its true potential.   How, you ask?   Imagine, if you will, that we could be looking at it as a giant opportunity, rather than just a problem.   After all, we wouldn't want to miss out on a giant opportunity.

Just think of what we could do with the Sinkhole if we consider its possibilities as a tourist attraction.   It is, after all, one of the biggest sources of awe in all of western Oklahoma.

If you look up the word "awe" in the dictionary, you'll see its definition as "an overwhelming feeling of reverence, admiration and fear."   Okay, maybe it doesn't inspire "reverence",  but admiration and fear for sure.

All we'd have to do is put up a couple of I40 billboards telling people that they can  "See  Western  Oklahoma's  huge,  hulking,  enormous,  immense,  gargantuan, titanic (see, we could even have an adjective competition to describe the thing) elephantine, colossal, herculean, Sinkhole."

TV comes to Weatherford     

The billboards would go on to say "Just like Arizona's Grand Canyon, but different.   For one thing, there's more than one of them.   There's at least three holes, holes that probably go all the way to China.   Scientists just don't know yet. You can't let your children miss it;   they'll never forgive you."   This last is just to nail it down, in case they don't believe we're serious.

The tourists from out west, who come in on Exit 80A and who unfortunately may have already seen the real Grand Canyon, will be treated right away to the giant slip-and-slide-effect of coming around the curve and, if the thing continues to grow, may slide right into it.

Okay, now that could be a problem.   Here's what we do: we put up a kiosk on 80A just before the curve, and sell them Indemnity Clauses.   I think that's what you call them.   I'm not a lawyer.   But we've got plenty of those people around to do stuff like that.   Just be sure and tell the tourists beforehand that the Sinkhole is also "mammoth and monstrous".   The idea that they may die will probably just add to their excitement.   And, after all, the Grand Canyon didn't kill them, did it?.

Now comes the best part.  The visitors from the East will get off on Exit 82, and so will have to come down main street — the way God and the original designers of I40 intended.   After touring our wonderful main street, they'll turn left onto south 7th street, the primary Sinkhole overlook.   From here they can exit their tour bus and view the awe-inspiring Sinkhole in all its radiant glory.   And, if they're lucky, be on hand for a great view if any western tourists' cars or busses happen to slide into the Sinkhole below while they’re here.

In case they miss that, we can set up a few golf tees, and let them try to launch golf balls across the Sinkhole into the police department parking lot.   But we'll let them know beforehand that if their shot hits a police car, we'll fine them.   (A few extra bucks never hurts.)   But — get this:   if they make a hole-in-one, they'll get the Sinkhole named after them.   Think of the future that'll ensure their children.

So what can we do with our Sinkhole?   We can make it just the finest tourist attraction we've ever had or ever will have.   That's all.

P.S.   Please notice that I've capitalized the word "Sinkhole" all the way through.   I did that to give it the reverence it deserves.   Hey, wait a minute... See, our Sinkhole does inspire "reverence".   It's got all three of the attributes a truly "awe-inspiring" tourist attraction should have.